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Why Is He Pulling Away?
In my last blog I had promised you that I would discuss what to do if you feel that your man is pulling away, but I think that before getting there, we absolutely need to understand WHY he is losing interest whether you’ve been together for days or for years.
The first thing to understand is that the only reason a man is interested to be with a woman is for the way she makes him feel. The passion and at the same time the sensation of peace and well being he experiences around her. Contrary to what people think, it has nothing to do with the woman’s physical attributes. That is why you will often see the most attractive and handsome man madly in love with a woman that our society considers ugly (according to our beauty standards), and doing his best to please her all the time.
He feels good around her because he feels appreciated, he does not feel that he is being judged, there is no pressure, no need to justify every single move he makes, she makes him laugh and being with her makes him forget about any issues he is facing in life.
For Singles or new relationships:
Often when two people meet, if the first three dates are a success, a relationship will start, and as the days go by, the guy usually starts feeling the way I described earlier and all is going well, everyone is happy until…… YOUR insecurities kick in, for whatever reason.
Suddenly, either because of past experiences, lack of self confidence or else, you start fearing a “possible future” break up, or that he would no longer want to be with you, or you are not good enough for him and before you know it you start sending negative vibes, the energy is not the same and even if he is not able to pin point what’s wrong or explain why, he slowly starts to pull away. The lightness and fun and well being are not the same.
Now the spiral starts, he feels the negative vibes, he does not necessarily understand what is going on but he slowly pulls away. You start panicking even more, you want to hide it from him but being lead by fear, you act either with fake indifference while being mad at him (and letting him know that) or you get in full neediness mode, calling or texting all the time, attending to all his needs, asking questions…not getting satisfying answers, insisting even more, trying to convince him that you guys are great together, and down it goes until one day he no longer answers your calls and simply disappears or informs you that he wants to put an end to the relationship and that it is not your fault, it’s his.
For couples or long term relationships:
Another reason why he will leave, way later in the relationship is because whereas you have been accepting him for who he is for the past months or years, you suddenly feel that you have to “fix” him and you start acting like his mom. He has to take care of his health, he should dress differently, he maybe should start looking for a new job, he no longer does things right, you are in full judgmental mode, mistakenly thinking that you are indeed doing him a favour.
He liked it when you accepted him for who he was. That was one of the reasons why he was so happy with you in the first place. By wanting to change him (for you it’s to improve him, I know) he no longer feels appreciated, he now has the impression that he is being judged, he stresses around you and he no longer wants to be with you as much. Arguments start, and happen more and more often and if the relationship is not strong it is heading straight to a breakup.
How to stop and fix these issues?
There are many other reasons why a man pulls away from a good relationship but these were the two most common scenarios for which most of my clients consult me for.
When fear or insecurity starts creeping in, you have to stop and fix it as fast as possible for the sake of the relationship!
This may not be the easiest thing to do since these feelings usually come from deep beliefs or past hurts, but once you’ve identified the issue, you can start working on yourself to fix it.
Also, with the proper professional assistance, you can easily overcome these “weaknesses” and start to enjoy a happy, healthy and long term relationship with the man of your dream.
If you or someone you know have been going through this situation over and over, you may want to take some actions and if so, I invite you to try my free 30 minutes strategic consultation and discover how you can truly be happy in love.
It’s free and it can change your life!
Until next time,