3 Key Attitudes To Keep His Interest

Ladies only

Last week I was having a discussion with a single friend of mine on what a woman should possess to make a man fall in love with her, and why some women are naturally and effortlessness attractive to men. I’ve decided to share my thoughts with other women who could be interested by this topic.

Like I was telling my friend, if we consider all the personality types in men and women, it is obvious that what attracts one to another varies considerably from one person to another.

However, after more than 20 years of personal experience in my own relationships with men, or my coaching sessions with women, or books that I read on the subject, I have found that most guys are attracted to women, whom, whatever their personality type, are a combination of these following traits:

  • Strong
  • Affectionate
  • Independent

Of course a good dose of sense of humour or self derision, mixed with a positive attitude in life will only make you more interesting and attractive to men.

Too often, a woman will either be:

  • too sweet and affectionate; which removes all zest in the relationship, or
  • too strong; which can make her appear very authoritative and even intimidating, or
  • too independent; which usually creates a feeling of uncertainty in a man because he is under the impression that you don’t need him in your life, or
  • the contrary, not independent enough; which leads to the common painful situation of clinginess or affective dependence that is usually perceived as very unattractive by the opposite sex.

Just like everything else in life requires balance, it is also important in this context to find the right “dosage” for the combination of these 3 characteristics. With a right blend of strength, affection, and independence, most men who are emotionally mature and ready for a relationship will want to do their best to please you and to keep you in their life.

Your strength will show him that you know what you want in life, that you don’t settle for less, that you are self confident and that you can face challenges and are dependable.

Being affectionate or sweet is what is going to make him feel important, what is going to drive him crazy in love and what will make him want to fetch the moon for you.

Finally, your independence will keep a man on his toes. It shows him that despite the fact that he is important to you, you have a life apart from him, that you can take care of yourself and that he is not responsible for your happiness.

What about you, do you possess these key attitudes? Are you able to find the right balance to enjoy a great relationship and have your man completely in love with you?

This article was also published in Eligible Magazine and can be accessed here

4 things Men want in a Woman

Ladies only

I recently came across an article written by Carly Spindel and I want to share with you what I consider was the most interesting part:

The top things that men say attract them in a woman

#1 – Beauty
No surprise here. BUT anyone can be beautiful. Beauty is only a matter of attitude, self confidence and personal style. Here is what the article said:
“Men want women who are beautiful. Of course, you don’t have to look like a model to be beautiful-just be the best version of you and focus on your positive attributes. If you have beautiful eyes, accentuate them. If you have great legs, show them off. If you have amazing hair, make sure you wear it down. Hopefully you see where I’m going here. Work with what you have!”

#2- Brains, Brains, Brains
I don’t know why women think that men are not attracted to intelligence… It is a fact that if a man will consider having a serious relationship with you he will want to make sure that you guys can have interesting conversations. Here is what the article says:

“Intelligence is sexy, and men are captivated by smart women. You don’t need an MBA from Harvard Business School to be considered smart (if you do have one, kudos to you). Instead, you should be aware of what’s going on in the world-read the news, watch CNN, and be in the know. Men are intrigued by women who challenge them and bring something to the table.”

#3 – Body Confidence:
I will never repeat this enough. It is not your size or shape that matters, it is the confidence with which you act and hold yourself. If you love your body, your man will too. If you keep on pointing at your flaws, it is where his attention will focus. The article says:

“Men like women who are fit and in good shape, but they also love curves. Basically, as long as you can wear your clothes with confidence, you’re golden.”

#4  –  A zen Lifestyle.

She says:
Leading a balanced lifestyle is important. Men enjoy dating someone who can balance their job, family, friends, and a relationship, and they’re drawn to women who are independent. They like women who are down to Earth and aren’t drama queens.

Until next time!

Why Is He Pulling Away?

Ladies only

In my last blog I had promised you that I would discuss what to do if you feel that your man is pulling away, but I think that before getting there, we absolutely need to understand WHY he is losing interest whether you’ve been together for days or for years.

The first thing to understand is that the only reason a man is interested to be with a woman is for the way she makes him feel. The passion and at the same time the sensation of peace and well being he experiences around her. Contrary to what people think, it has nothing to do with the woman’s physical attributes. That is why you will often see the most attractive and handsome man madly in love with a woman that our society considers ugly (according to our beauty standards), and doing his best to please her all the time.

He feels good around her because he feels appreciated, he does not feel that he is being judged, there is no pressure, no need to justify every single move he makes, she makes him laugh and being with her makes him forget about any issues he is facing in life.

For Singles or new relationships:
Often when two people meet, if the first three dates are a success, a relationship will start, and as the days go by, the guy usually starts feeling the way I described earlier and all is going well, everyone is happy until…… YOUR insecurities kick in, for whatever reason.

Suddenly, either because of past experiences, lack of self confidence or else, you start fearing a “possible future” break up, or that he would no longer want to be with you, or you are not good enough for him and before you know it you start sending negative vibes, the energy is not the same and even if he is not able to pin point what’s wrong or explain why, he slowly starts to pull away. The lightness and fun and well being are not the same.

Now the spiral starts, he feels the negative vibes, he does not necessarily understand what is going on but he slowly pulls away. You start panicking even more, you want to hide it from him but being lead by fear, you act either with fake indifference while being mad at him (and letting him know that) or you get in full neediness mode, calling or texting all the time, attending to all his needs, asking questions…not getting satisfying answers, insisting even more, trying to convince him that you guys are great together, and down it goes until one day he no longer answers your calls and simply disappears or informs you that he wants to put an end to the relationship and that it is not your fault, it’s his.

For couples or long term relationships:
Another reason why he will leave, way later in the relationship is because whereas you have been accepting him for who he is for the past months or years, you suddenly feel that you have to “fix” him and you start acting like his mom. He has to take care of his health, he should dress differently, he maybe should start looking for a new job, he no longer does things right, you are in full judgmental mode, mistakenly thinking that you are indeed doing him a favour.

He liked it when you accepted him for who he was. That was one of the reasons why he was so happy with you in the first place. By wanting to change him (for you it’s to improve him, I know) he no longer feels appreciated, he now has the impression that he is being judged, he stresses around you and he no longer wants to be with you as much. Arguments start, and happen more and more often and if the relationship is not strong it is heading straight to a breakup.

How to stop and fix these issues?
There are many other reasons why a man pulls away from a good relationship but these were the two most common scenarios for which most of my clients consult me for.

When fear or insecurity starts creeping in, you have to stop and fix it as fast as possible for the sake of the relationship!

This may not be the easiest thing to do since these feelings usually come from deep beliefs or past hurts, but once you’ve identified the issue, you can start working on yourself to fix it.

Also, with the proper professional assistance, you can easily overcome these “weaknesses” and start to enjoy a happy, healthy and long term relationship with the man of your dream.

If you or someone you know have been going through this situation over and over, you may want to take some actions and if so, I invite you to try my free 30 minutes strategic consultation and discover how you can truly be happy in love.

It’s free and it can change your life!

Until next time,

Why try to convince him….

Ladies only

I often get asked by women, how is it that a relationship that was going so well, with the man showing interest and even acting as if he was in love, could end abruptly without them ever realizing that something was wrong.

There are a thousand answers to this question. However this is not the purpose of my message today. I will not talk about the reasons why a man walks away.

I will instead discuss the biggest mistake that the woman does in this situation, which is: try to convince the man to stay in the relationship, if she has the opportunity to see him or talk to him, or even worse by sending him a long email.

This approach of trying to convince a man that the relationship has a great potential, that you are meant for each other, that you are the woman for him and that you are willing to make an effort to improve things between you (whereas you are not at all responsible for the situation) only makes matter worse. If he was debating whether to stay or leave, with this attitude, you will have convinced him that the best thing is for him to leave.

Today I would like to make you understand that it is NEVER necessary to convince a man to stay in a relationship. If he is with you it’s because he wants to. If he wants to leave, there are not many things that you can do or say to keep him (next time I will discuss what to do in such case).

You probably have read the following words of wisdom to women somewhere. A friend of mine recently post them on her Facebook status, and I thought that it would be a good thing, considering that it is a recurrent question that I get from women, to reiterate these simple undeniable truths:

  • If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
  • If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
  • Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
  • Allow your intuition (you know it when something is wrong) to save you from heartache.
  • Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
  • If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
  • Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
  • Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
  • You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within.
  • Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or is in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.   He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
  • A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

And finally, last but not least……

  • Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and you are always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Ladies, I strongly encourage you to apply these recommendations as best as you can in your love life. It may seem difficult at first, but down the road you will only be happier.

If you find it challenging to apply these concepts in your life, or if you simply wish to discuss, I invite you to contact me for a free consultation. It will my pleasure to answer any questions you may have, to the best of my knowledge.

Until next time….

Emotionally Mature Man

Ladies only

Hello again Ladies!

As promised, I want to share with you 3 signs to look for in a man to know if he is emotionally mature or if he is not worth your time and interest:

1-      His friends. It has been said many times that you can guess the real personality of a person by the type of people this person is hanging out with.  If his buddies are all single, always ready to party and don’t keep long term relationship, I am not saying that he himself cannot be different, but you better be careful, and wait for him to really show his interest before investing yourself in the relationship. Chances are, he might really like you, but not be mature enough to separate himself from his friends and give the relationship (you) the chance that it deserves.

2-      His attitude toward work, his colleagues and his boss. Is he the kind of man who always complains about what is happening at work? He cannot tolerate his boss and his colleagues never seem to know what they are doing. If an idea does not come from him, it automatically is not good and will not work. He refutes any kind of criticism and always acts as if he is the eternal victim of whatever conspiracy? He is always right and is the only one who knows what is best for the company. You may think that his attitude, being work related has nothing to do with you or the relationship, unfortunately, if a man has such negative attitude it will sooner or later show in his behaviour with you. At the beginning it may not really matter but as the relationship evolves, you will find it really difficult to deal with someone who is completely closed to other people’s opinion and having any discussion with him may turn out to be a real ordeal.

3-      His interaction with his family. Is he a mama’s boy? Or on the contrary he does not get along with his parents. In both situations, there may be troubles at the horizon. If his mom is always right, and she is the only one to know how to do everything, you don’t have many choices: Either you get very close with the mom and don’t even try to compete with her *:) happy or, if you are unable to accept the situation, you quit the relationship. Your biggest mistake would be to expect that circumstances would change with time. If on the contrary, he is completely estranged with his family, does not talk to his brothers or sisters, is rude when addressing his parents or talking about them, unless he was an abused child and has good reasons to act the way he does (he should probably have seek professional help) you cannot expect to be treated any differently in the future. Once the honeymoon is over, chances are that he may have the same attitude in your home. Also, it might be very difficult for him to accept your family or a close relationship between you and your parents and/or siblings. He will not understand your love, respect and attention for them.

I invite you to pay close attention to your date’s behaviour in all three above situations. The sooner you are able to assess his emotional maturity, the better. However promising the relationship may look like, you don’t want to live your life dealing with an immature man.

Do you wonder if your current relationship is right for you? Is your daily question “should I stay or should I go”? Don’t waste any more time wondering, contact me to book a one-hour free consultation to help you shed some light on your situation.

Hello Ladies

Ladies only

Hello Ladies,

Do you know the difference between an Emotionally Mature Man and an immature one?

You must have been dating different men whom you thought were interesting enough for you to explore the relationship further, only to realize a few weeks or months later that he could not deliver when it comes to relationships. After numerous disappointing experiences, are you now able to tell what a mature man, who is emotionally stable looks like?

First, you need to know the difference between an emotionally mature and immature man.

An emotionally immature man, when faces with some crisis in his life, completely withdraw without warning. He is unable to face the issues at hand, and the feelings that come with them. He isolates himself from the people who love him, hoping to make the problem go away instead of allowing them to support him.

On the other hand, when confronted with the same type of issues, the emotionally mature man, will still feel the pain, and might pull back a bit on a lot of things in his life, but he will never shut the woman he loves out of his life.

On the contrary, he is willing to make the effort to share his feelings with her and more importantly, he can allow her to see him weak and vulnerable. He knows that he can trust her, and he is going to stay close and loving. He will not, despite being tempted to act like a man, shut down and go in isolation mode. He is suffering, but he is sensitive enough to know that acting like that would make the woman in his life suffer as well. He cares about the relationship and would feel more lost and miserable without her.

Next time, I will share with you some tips on how to quickly assess a man’s emotional maturity and avoid more relationship disappointments with immature men.

In the meantime, for more dating tips and advice, you can join our next wokshop “Finally Happy” – How to find the right one and keep him.