10 steps to manage hidden blockages

10 steps to manage hidden blockages

General

Unknown or hidden blockages in our life in general, and in our love life in particular, always have the same consequences.

Unfulfilled desires and serious frustrations

Until we are able to discover what they are, also to face and then start addressing them, chances are we will keep on getting failures after failures, disappointments after disappointments.

It does happen for some people who are into self-development that they realize that consistency in failures is not something “normal”. With their knowledge, they are sometimes capable to realize what has been keeping them from achieving their desires and to start the necessary work in order to solve whatever it is, on their own.

Even if it’s a lengthy process, when trying to figure it out alone, one can still obtain positive results if focused and determined.

Others have no clue that they might have hidden blockages and they would not know what to do, where and how to start. Therefore, they keep on doing the same things, making the same mistakes and obtaining the same negative results in areas of their lives where they need and want things to change and improve.

Failures and disappointments are put on our path to help us grow, and instead of being discouraged and hopeless with the situation, we should do our best to understand the lesson there is to learn which eventually can lead to rewards that far exceed our expectations.

However, when failures happen over and over, month after month, year after year, it should have been obvious for anyone going through these difficult moments that some hidden issues might be the cause and need to be addressed.

Without proper identification and effective resolution of this blockages, the person who keeps on getting negative results and sometimes painful experiences when trying to achieve a dream, besides being discouraged, can even fall into a deep state of despair.

Whereas, the outcome could have been way different, if the person had seek appropriate help through self-development work like reading books, watching videos and/or by simply seeing a professional.

Today I want to share with you 10 easy steps and key questions that can help you progress in your journey. It can be used in different areas of your life but since I am a love expert, I will focus on what I know best.

  1. Identify the aspect of your life in which you want to achieve something or see improvement but where you keep on getting frustrations. Like I was saying, in this case I will focus on love and pretend I was talking to a woman who has been through many heartbreaks.
  2. What are you doing repeatedly (example: always choosing the wrong partner)?
  3. What do these men have in common (example: they are not ready for a serious relationship)
  4. What usually attracts you to a man? Is it an attitude, a characteristic, his look, his life situation?
  5. Why? What is the “need” that you want this guy to fulfill in your life?
  6. If you reflect on your answers, is it really what you wish and what you need?
  7. What are the 20 most important characteristics that you are looking for in an ideal partner?
  8. When you think about this man, do you feel that you “deserve” to have such a great person in your life? What is your inner dialogue on the subject?
  9. Now that you’ve answered some important questions about your love life, take some time to write exactly how you would like it to be, as if the sky was the limit. Write as if you were writing a fairy tale, your fairy tale (one that makes sense in this actual world :)). It is essential to emphasize your feelings. How you would like your partner to treat you, how you would want to FEEL in this relationship. Write your story at the present tense.
  10. You don’t need to believe it at first. Simply read it out loud in the morning and once more at night before going to bed (for better results I suggest to my clients that they do it in front of the mirror). My “prescription” is that you do it for 40 days in a row. Simply do it and see miracles start to happen.

The key phrase “you do not need to believe it at first – you do not need to believe me”. Since you have nothing to lose dare yourself, take the bet and do it.

Success rate, if done properly is 95%.

How this exercise works is very simple and scientifically proven. Your subconscious mind listens to a totally new message. With time and consistency, it begins to believe and feel familiar with the message; it becomes more receptive to what it says, and as a result, relevant situations, circumstances and people will start appearing into your life in order for your dream to realize.

Your inner blockages get less and less. Some will persist, but they will not be “strong” enough to prevent your wish to happen.

This example is pertinent to one’s love life. The same process applies to any other area of your life.

What would be your motivation to try this? The simple desire to see a dream come true and to get out of the vicious circle of disappointments and failures.

What would be the reason NOT to try this? A defeatist attitude, a tendency to believe things don’t work, without even trying them first.

What does it require? Discipline, open attitude, strong will of a better life.

What is the percentage of people reading this who will actually try it and complete it? 2%

Make yourself the promise to be part of this small group of people. If you want to share your progress or discouragement with me, it will be my pleasure to help you.

How do I know it works? Because I have experienced it personally. Now it’s your turn.

How to Cope with Rejection

General

Feeling rejected? You’re not alone. Most of us experience this feeling at some point in life. It can strike at any time, whether we are single or in a relationship. Being single, the most common feeling of rejection comes from one of these situations:

  • We met someone whom we find interesting and would love to get to know better, but he/she does not reciprocate.
  • We were at an early stage of what we considered a “good” relationship and suddenly the other party either disappears or informs you that it would be best to end the relationship.

These situations may have severe impacts when they become repetitive scenarios over a short period. In a relationship that is going fairly well it is not uncommon for one of the partners to also experience feelings of rejection.

Feelings of rejection can create a sense of

insecurity and even anxiety.

This usually happens when the other partner is less present or shows less attention than usual, maybe because of:

  • Preoccupation with work or a personal project.
  • He/she is going through a phase of self inquiry, growth, development or something else that has nothing to do with the other person.How to cope with rejection

The partner who feels rejected makes it all about hir/herself and has a hard time dealing with the situation. In all cases, if one is not careful, and the situation lasts for too long, feeling rejected can lead to depression. Considering also that for some, the root comes from as far as their childhood. There are however ways to cope and heal from this sickening feeling (if it has not yet become a severe condition). The following are steps that I encourage my clients to follow and that I myself practice whenever I get into that “zone” of insecurity:

1. Acknowledge the feeling for what it is
“Feel” it and accept it. Do not try to dismiss it, pretend it does not exist or blame yourself thinking that you are being irrational. Cry if you want to and as much as you need to.

2. Clearly identify the reason why you feel the way you do 
After accepting your feelings, write down what you perceive are the reasons why this is happening. I feel rejected because….. put on paper every thought that comes to mind. Don’t judge your thoughts or impressions. Remember to say I feel and never he/she makes style me feel.

3. Come up with some “feel better” strategies
You know how you feel and why, now think of what you can do to feel better and to help you step out of the “victim state”.

a) Maybe you can spend more time with people you know appreciate you

b) Go to a Spa, take care of yourself and be pampered

c) Watch a comedy alone or with a friend

d) Read a self-development book (my favorite)

e) Plan your future positively (my second favorite) – what do you want to do, how would you like this situation to be in a few weeks/months from today? How do you want your ideal relationship to be like and how can you prepare for it.

f) If you are in a relationship with someone you know loves and appreciates you already, be understanding. Try to take some distance from your ego, which makes it about you, find an interesting  side project while he/she is busy. Be independent, you may also state your feelings but don’t nag. He/she will appreciate it and may return his/her attention to you sooner than you think.

But, no matter what you do, please always remember that:

  1. It is absolutely normal to feel the way you do; most of us go through the same at some point, and more importantly;
  2. Just like everything else in life, that also shall pass.

3 Key Attitudes To Keep His Interest

Ladies only

Last week I was having a discussion with a single friend of mine on what a woman should possess to make a man fall in love with her, and why some women are naturally and effortlessness attractive to men. I’ve decided to share my thoughts with other women who could be interested by this topic.

Like I was telling my friend, if we consider all the personality types in men and women, it is obvious that what attracts one to another varies considerably from one person to another.

However, after more than 20 years of personal experience in my own relationships with men, or my coaching sessions with women, or books that I read on the subject, I have found that most guys are attracted to women, whom, whatever their personality type, are a combination of these following traits:

  • Strong
  • Affectionate
  • Independent

Of course a good dose of sense of humour or self derision, mixed with a positive attitude in life will only make you more interesting and attractive to men.

Too often, a woman will either be:

  • too sweet and affectionate; which removes all zest in the relationship, or
  • too strong; which can make her appear very authoritative and even intimidating, or
  • too independent; which usually creates a feeling of uncertainty in a man because he is under the impression that you don’t need him in your life, or
  • the contrary, not independent enough; which leads to the common painful situation of clinginess or affective dependence that is usually perceived as very unattractive by the opposite sex.

Just like everything else in life requires balance, it is also important in this context to find the right “dosage” for the combination of these 3 characteristics. With a right blend of strength, affection, and independence, most men who are emotionally mature and ready for a relationship will want to do their best to please you and to keep you in their life.

Your strength will show him that you know what you want in life, that you don’t settle for less, that you are self confident and that you can face challenges and are dependable.

Being affectionate or sweet is what is going to make him feel important, what is going to drive him crazy in love and what will make him want to fetch the moon for you.

Finally, your independence will keep a man on his toes. It shows him that despite the fact that he is important to you, you have a life apart from him, that you can take care of yourself and that he is not responsible for your happiness.

What about you, do you possess these key attitudes? Are you able to find the right balance to enjoy a great relationship and have your man completely in love with you?

This article was also published in Eligible Magazine and can be accessed here

Modern Dating

General

A friend sent me this article written by Christopher Hudspeth in which he listed 18 ugly truths about modern dating that we have to deal with.

Based on my daily experience when working with my single clients and seeing what is also  going on in my daughters’ generation (they are 22 and 19 years old), I picked the 10 most common ugly attitudes in today’s dating world to share with you. I find it to be so sad that some people can actually act like this but more sad that other people accept these behaviours as normal despite the fact that they suffer to be treated like this and as a result that their self-esteem is badly affected.

They are afraid to change things and continue to accept them thinking that it is the way to be. Well the good news is my clients know better after a few sessions with me.

Here are the 10 most ugly truths about “modern dating” (I hope you do not allow yourself to be subject to any of these):

1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.

6.  “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.

7. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.

8.  You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.

9. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.

10. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate

10 successful attitudes of single people

General

Singles whom have had the opportunity to do some self-development work to identify what they want in their life and the qualities that they are looking for in their significant other, also achieve self confidence and grow a sense of anticipation toward their future. They adopt the following winning attitudes, which invariably lead them to success and accomplishment of their dreams:

1-      I am happy to have goals in my life

2-      I live in the present moment

3-      I love, accept and trust myself

4-      When dating, I focus on connecting, not results; Everything will happen the way it is supposed to

5-      I am authentic, fully honest with myself and others, aligning my words, values and action

6-      I live my life with intentionality, making choices conscious of my goals and consequences

7-      I take risks, overcome my fears and stretch my comfort level to reach my goals

8-      I practice the law of abundance. I believe that all the opportunities and resources that I need will appear

9-      I take responsibility for my outcomes by taking initiative in my life and relationships

10-   What others judge about me is about them; I let go of what others think and do not take it personally.

Gratitude

General Uncategorized

Love is beautiful… but this feeling is even strongerGratitude-Beach

Today I will leave aside my dating and Relationship advice to talk about a feeling that is even more extraordinary and rewarding than love…. Gratitude

This feeling which is probably one of the most difficult to embrace in our daily life, is nonetheless the one that brings a complete sense of well-being, and is responsible for most miracles (whichever sense you want to give the word, spiritual or not it does not matter) and create the best positive turn of any situation.

Gratitude has inspired a lot people. When you do a quick research on the internet, the list of quotations on the subject is endless.

One of my favourite is a quote by the great lady Oprah Winfrey which reads as follows:

“I know for sure that appreciating whatever shows up for you in life changes your personal vibration. You radiate and generate more goodness for yourself when you’re aware of all you have and not focusing on your have-nots.” —  Oprah Winfrey

Have you noticed, Oprah starts by saying “I know”. She is talking from experience, as does anyone who, at any given moment of his existence, makes the conscious decision to be grateful for all good or less enjoyable moments that life brings.

Love is often considered as the ultimate feeling; however I say that before loving anyone, you have to start by being grateful for this person to be in your life.

Gratitude will make us even more in love, loving and loveable. The more we are grateful, the more we experience this peaceful, wise and true love, which gives us a feeling of well-being and, at the same occasion will attract positive people and circumstances to us.

Giving thanks to every circumstance that comes our way, paying more attention to all the good instead of the less desirable, smiling just for the fun of it, being grateful to feel our feet instead of focusing on the fact that they are actually freezing in the cold :) (it works I try it often), feeling appreciative for good health instead of repeating how tired we are, getting ready for the warmer days to come instead of only focusing on this dreadful winter (easier said than done I admit)…. so many little steps and mental exercises to help us be more grateful, to appreciate life and change it for the better and consequently see our loved ones being happier around us.

I want to end this article with another great quotation by Dr. Robert Holden:

“The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.” —  Dr. Robert Holden

I invite us to take the resolution to practice more gratitude in our daily activities, and to change our view on things in order to make our life more enjoyable and to attract positive vibrations and miracles toward us. The key to have something that you desire is to start by being grateful for what you already have.

To gratitude!

4 things Men want in a Woman

Ladies only

I recently came across an article written by Carly Spindel and I want to share with you what I consider was the most interesting part:

The top things that men say attract them in a woman

#1 – Beauty
No surprise here. BUT anyone can be beautiful. Beauty is only a matter of attitude, self confidence and personal style. Here is what the article said:
“Men want women who are beautiful. Of course, you don’t have to look like a model to be beautiful-just be the best version of you and focus on your positive attributes. If you have beautiful eyes, accentuate them. If you have great legs, show them off. If you have amazing hair, make sure you wear it down. Hopefully you see where I’m going here. Work with what you have!”

#2- Brains, Brains, Brains
I don’t know why women think that men are not attracted to intelligence… It is a fact that if a man will consider having a serious relationship with you he will want to make sure that you guys can have interesting conversations. Here is what the article says:

“Intelligence is sexy, and men are captivated by smart women. You don’t need an MBA from Harvard Business School to be considered smart (if you do have one, kudos to you). Instead, you should be aware of what’s going on in the world-read the news, watch CNN, and be in the know. Men are intrigued by women who challenge them and bring something to the table.”

#3 – Body Confidence:
I will never repeat this enough. It is not your size or shape that matters, it is the confidence with which you act and hold yourself. If you love your body, your man will too. If you keep on pointing at your flaws, it is where his attention will focus. The article says:

“Men like women who are fit and in good shape, but they also love curves. Basically, as long as you can wear your clothes with confidence, you’re golden.”

#4  –  A zen Lifestyle.

She says:
Leading a balanced lifestyle is important. Men enjoy dating someone who can balance their job, family, friends, and a relationship, and they’re drawn to women who are independent. They like women who are down to Earth and aren’t drama queens.

Until next time!

Why Is He Pulling Away?

Ladies only

In my last blog I had promised you that I would discuss what to do if you feel that your man is pulling away, but I think that before getting there, we absolutely need to understand WHY he is losing interest whether you’ve been together for days or for years.

The first thing to understand is that the only reason a man is interested to be with a woman is for the way she makes him feel. The passion and at the same time the sensation of peace and well being he experiences around her. Contrary to what people think, it has nothing to do with the woman’s physical attributes. That is why you will often see the most attractive and handsome man madly in love with a woman that our society considers ugly (according to our beauty standards), and doing his best to please her all the time.

He feels good around her because he feels appreciated, he does not feel that he is being judged, there is no pressure, no need to justify every single move he makes, she makes him laugh and being with her makes him forget about any issues he is facing in life.

For Singles or new relationships:
Often when two people meet, if the first three dates are a success, a relationship will start, and as the days go by, the guy usually starts feeling the way I described earlier and all is going well, everyone is happy until…… YOUR insecurities kick in, for whatever reason.

Suddenly, either because of past experiences, lack of self confidence or else, you start fearing a “possible future” break up, or that he would no longer want to be with you, or you are not good enough for him and before you know it you start sending negative vibes, the energy is not the same and even if he is not able to pin point what’s wrong or explain why, he slowly starts to pull away. The lightness and fun and well being are not the same.

Now the spiral starts, he feels the negative vibes, he does not necessarily understand what is going on but he slowly pulls away. You start panicking even more, you want to hide it from him but being lead by fear, you act either with fake indifference while being mad at him (and letting him know that) or you get in full neediness mode, calling or texting all the time, attending to all his needs, asking questions…not getting satisfying answers, insisting even more, trying to convince him that you guys are great together, and down it goes until one day he no longer answers your calls and simply disappears or informs you that he wants to put an end to the relationship and that it is not your fault, it’s his.

For couples or long term relationships:
Another reason why he will leave, way later in the relationship is because whereas you have been accepting him for who he is for the past months or years, you suddenly feel that you have to “fix” him and you start acting like his mom. He has to take care of his health, he should dress differently, he maybe should start looking for a new job, he no longer does things right, you are in full judgmental mode, mistakenly thinking that you are indeed doing him a favour.

He liked it when you accepted him for who he was. That was one of the reasons why he was so happy with you in the first place. By wanting to change him (for you it’s to improve him, I know) he no longer feels appreciated, he now has the impression that he is being judged, he stresses around you and he no longer wants to be with you as much. Arguments start, and happen more and more often and if the relationship is not strong it is heading straight to a breakup.

How to stop and fix these issues?
There are many other reasons why a man pulls away from a good relationship but these were the two most common scenarios for which most of my clients consult me for.

When fear or insecurity starts creeping in, you have to stop and fix it as fast as possible for the sake of the relationship!

This may not be the easiest thing to do since these feelings usually come from deep beliefs or past hurts, but once you’ve identified the issue, you can start working on yourself to fix it.

Also, with the proper professional assistance, you can easily overcome these “weaknesses” and start to enjoy a happy, healthy and long term relationship with the man of your dream.

If you or someone you know have been going through this situation over and over, you may want to take some actions and if so, I invite you to try my free 30 minutes strategic consultation and discover how you can truly be happy in love.

It’s free and it can change your life!

Until next time,
Régine

Why try to convince him….

Ladies only

I often get asked by women, how is it that a relationship that was going so well, with the man showing interest and even acting as if he was in love, could end abruptly without them ever realizing that something was wrong.

There are a thousand answers to this question. However this is not the purpose of my message today. I will not talk about the reasons why a man walks away.

I will instead discuss the biggest mistake that the woman does in this situation, which is: try to convince the man to stay in the relationship, if she has the opportunity to see him or talk to him, or even worse by sending him a long email.

This approach of trying to convince a man that the relationship has a great potential, that you are meant for each other, that you are the woman for him and that you are willing to make an effort to improve things between you (whereas you are not at all responsible for the situation) only makes matter worse. If he was debating whether to stay or leave, with this attitude, you will have convinced him that the best thing is for him to leave.

Today I would like to make you understand that it is NEVER necessary to convince a man to stay in a relationship. If he is with you it’s because he wants to. If he wants to leave, there are not many things that you can do or say to keep him (next time I will discuss what to do in such case).

You probably have read the following words of wisdom to women somewhere. A friend of mine recently post them on her Facebook status, and I thought that it would be a good thing, considering that it is a recurrent question that I get from women, to reiterate these simple undeniable truths:

  • If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
  • If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
  • Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
  • Allow your intuition (you know it when something is wrong) to save you from heartache.
  • Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
  • If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
  • Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
  • Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
  • You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within.
  • Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or is in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.   He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
  • A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

And finally, last but not least……

  • Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and you are always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Ladies, I strongly encourage you to apply these recommendations as best as you can in your love life. It may seem difficult at first, but down the road you will only be happier.

If you find it challenging to apply these concepts in your life, or if you simply wish to discuss, I invite you to contact me for a free consultation. It will my pleasure to answer any questions you may have, to the best of my knowledge.

Until next time….

Emotionally Mature Man

Ladies only

Hello again Ladies!

As promised, I want to share with you 3 signs to look for in a man to know if he is emotionally mature or if he is not worth your time and interest:

1-      His friends. It has been said many times that you can guess the real personality of a person by the type of people this person is hanging out with.  If his buddies are all single, always ready to party and don’t keep long term relationship, I am not saying that he himself cannot be different, but you better be careful, and wait for him to really show his interest before investing yourself in the relationship. Chances are, he might really like you, but not be mature enough to separate himself from his friends and give the relationship (you) the chance that it deserves.

2-      His attitude toward work, his colleagues and his boss. Is he the kind of man who always complains about what is happening at work? He cannot tolerate his boss and his colleagues never seem to know what they are doing. If an idea does not come from him, it automatically is not good and will not work. He refutes any kind of criticism and always acts as if he is the eternal victim of whatever conspiracy? He is always right and is the only one who knows what is best for the company. You may think that his attitude, being work related has nothing to do with you or the relationship, unfortunately, if a man has such negative attitude it will sooner or later show in his behaviour with you. At the beginning it may not really matter but as the relationship evolves, you will find it really difficult to deal with someone who is completely closed to other people’s opinion and having any discussion with him may turn out to be a real ordeal.

3-      His interaction with his family. Is he a mama’s boy? Or on the contrary he does not get along with his parents. In both situations, there may be troubles at the horizon. If his mom is always right, and she is the only one to know how to do everything, you don’t have many choices: Either you get very close with the mom and don’t even try to compete with her *:) happy or, if you are unable to accept the situation, you quit the relationship. Your biggest mistake would be to expect that circumstances would change with time. If on the contrary, he is completely estranged with his family, does not talk to his brothers or sisters, is rude when addressing his parents or talking about them, unless he was an abused child and has good reasons to act the way he does (he should probably have seek professional help) you cannot expect to be treated any differently in the future. Once the honeymoon is over, chances are that he may have the same attitude in your home. Also, it might be very difficult for him to accept your family or a close relationship between you and your parents and/or siblings. He will not understand your love, respect and attention for them.

I invite you to pay close attention to your date’s behaviour in all three above situations. The sooner you are able to assess his emotional maturity, the better. However promising the relationship may look like, you don’t want to live your life dealing with an immature man.

Do you wonder if your current relationship is right for you? Is your daily question “should I stay or should I go”? Don’t waste any more time wondering, contact me to book a one-hour free consultation to help you shed some light on your situation.